Tuesday, July 3, 2012

There are bouncy balls in my head!

I mentioned in my last post that I've had a lot on my mind as well as a lot on my plate. I'm having one of "those" days where I feel that maybe as I write some of what has been on my mind, 
maybe it will sort itself out. 

So here is one more "BETWEEN DESIGNS" post. 

If You are still reading, thanks. 

To be honest, I really don't know where this is going to go, maybe I will get to the end and junk the whole thing. I feel a little like there are bouncy balls in my head, thoughts bouncing in one direction and then another. Sometimes one thought collides with another and caos begins. Sometimes one thought just bounces, and bounces, and bounces into the wee hours of the morning. 
Sometimes it's good, sometimes not.

I think I'll start with something I think we all struggle with at times, us ladies anyway, not sure about the men-folk. I've really struggled lately with seeing the seemingly amazing and wonderful lives, and vacations, and careers, and..., and...., and... of seemingly everyone around me and then feeling sorry for myself. Honestly, it's really ridiculous that I'm having a hard time with this because 
I KNOW that no one has the perfect life they seem to have. 
I KNOW that so many of those vacations are only due to the great and mighty credit card, andy many of them are laced with pain, and stress, and negativity that doesn't show through in the pictures. 
I KNOW these things from experience. 
And yet, no matter what I KNOW to be true, there are times when that green bouncy ball of jealousy bounces and bounces until it has touched every aspect of my life to the point where it's hard to be genuinely happy and at peace. GRRRRR! Why do I allow that?! 

And so, in attempt to make myself feel better, I will focus on the wonderful, great, and fulfilling things in my life. You know what?! I am going to start right now, here, in public. I think I'll practice what I often preach and make a list of the blessings I have in my life...

I am so thankful for a husband that is easy going and willing to listen to me pout. He talks things out with me and even accepts my criticism with a simple "I'll do better". He loves me even when I'm really not that lovable. After spending 18 years of never feeling that kind of unconditional love in my previous marriage, I am so very thankful for my Superman and his patience with me.  

I am thankful for a home full of energetic, fun and (mostly) happy teens. I am thankful for the laughter, the jokes, the hugs, the music, and yes, the noise. I know that there will be a day when I will sit in my quiet home and cry because I will miss them terribly. I am so thankful to be their mom, and to have them bless my life daily.

I am thankful for my dog. Yes, I said it. The companionship, love and devotion she gives me blesses me, and my family daily. She is a sweet and loving addition to our family.

I am thankful for amazing neighbors and a community of strong, faithful and caring individuals. I regularly am filled with love for this city and the people who live here. The beauty and peace that surrounds me daily has lifted my spirits many times. As I am walking the streets and have strangers wave and smile I am reminded of what a blessing it has been to have moved here to heal from past pain and start a new life with Superman and a truly great community by my side. 

I am so blessed and thankful to know of God and my Savior Jesus Christ. I live each day in hopes to be a true disciple and to help Him carry out His plan in any way I can. I am blessed and thankful to know of their deep love for me and all of their children. I am thankful to know that the burden of judgement does not fall on my shoulders, but only the call to love unconditionally. I am so thankful for their mercy and grace and the role it plays in my life. I am thankful for repentance and the eternal plan of happiness that will allow me, you and everyone to live in a place of love and peace for eternity. I am thankful that I have been blessed to have faith, and to be able to take peace in knowing that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and that He will guide and direct me. Even when I don't know the next step, He does. 
He knows me. He Cares about me. He provides for me. 

I am thankful for tender mercies. You know, those simple and yet almost profound miracles that although small they may seem at the time, are a token of the love my Heavenly Father has for me. 

Last, but not least, I am thankful for the pain, the doubt, the fears, and the struggles that have brought important life lessons to my heart and soul in a way that could never have happened in any other way. I'm thankful that my Father believes in me enough to test and try me in real and lasting ways. 

Well then, so there you go. That's what it looks like a little when the bouncy balls in my head spill out and hit the keys on my keyboard. Like I said in the beginning, 
I had no idea what I would say. I think I feel better. 

I guess the "moral of the story" for today is that we are all here to learn, to grow, to help and lift one another. Although I get on Facebook and see your amazing lives, your skinny bodies, successful businesses, and seemingly endless amounts of money, 

I know the truth. 

I know that you struggle with something. 

I know that where my life may lack in some areas, there are many areas that are blessed beyond my comprehension. 

I know that with each happy and fun post on FaceBook there are many that are sitting behind glowing screens with tears, sorrow and pains that dare not post about the truth. 

To you, the one with the struggles, the one with the pain, and the empty wallet, please know that you are not alone. 

Please know that it will get better. 

I know it because I have lived it. 

If you believe in God, talk to him, and then listen. 

If you don't believe in a Father in Heaven, reach out to someone who can lift and help you. 

I hope this wasn't too much, and that you'll come back for more "Designs" on another day!

If you read this, and you don't mind saying so...
could you please leave a comment, so I don't think I'm bearing my soul to the world and no one is listening??? Please :)

And now...finally...one last thing I am thankful for...

The Chocolate Chip Cookie waiting for me in the kitchen as well as the cold milk in the fridge.


  1. Well said April!

    I also struggle with all of these things. That's why I do my 'Happiness List' on my blog. To remind myself of all the little things to be happy about.

    I'm so grateful for my quiet house. You know my past and having grown up in a full and LOUD house, I do not miss that. At all.

    You do have a beautiful family and I'm so happy to see the lovely person/wife/mother you grew up to be. You are blessed my friend.


  2. You had me until the cookies and milk lol. Miss you guys!

    1. Hey Jerry! Miss you back! When you coming for another visit??

  3. April, My long lost friend! I was searching for you...and now I found you! YEAH! We so need to do lunch (my treat) or something! Zeke just left for his mission a week ago and we were reminded of all the good friends he has had throughout the years and Jessika and the Hilton girls came up! We miss you! Sounds like life is pretty good (and normal i.e. frustrations and bouncy balls too) for you guys! call me 801-253-0450 or email me amy.wilkerson@jetblue.com! Love YA!

    1. AMMMMYYYY!! So happy that you found me! I can't believe our kids are so grown up!! I'll be in touch for sure! The next few weeks are a bit of a whirlwind, so maybe after that we can go eat some yummy food and catch up! Love you back!! :)

  4. I am a new follower to your blog! :) Erin

    1. Welcome Erin! Hope you enjoy your visits here!

  5. Great Post! and great reminder for me to be thankful for all the things we have :o) BTW, apparently our husbands used to play WOW together.

    1. Luisa, yes Phil has great things to say about your husband...says he's "good folk" Glad to have you around! I've checked out your blog as well, I'll be a regular I'm sure! Thanks for saying HI!!