Those darn bricks!

If you have read my blog from the beginning, you will know that I sometimes get off on a rant, a tangent, a soap box. While this blog is here mostly for me to show my creative side and the projects I'm dabbling in I also sometimes like to share a thought or two, or ten.

Sometimes it scares me, like I literally feel a little funny inside to look at my life, my family, and my situation in it all. Sometimes I see the responsibility and feel like I'm holding my own and really doing some good with the lives and the things God has given me charge over. And then there are the other times. If mothers were totally honest, I think that we would admit that more often than not we are hanging on by the skin of our teeth! (where in the world did that saying come from?...Sounds like a Colgate moment!) Just when we think that things are going okayish we realize that we have fallen short in yet another aspect of our lives. If I strive to make one happy, it seems in the process that someone else is disappointed or left behind. So what is the trick? How is it done? Do we ever get to a point that we have it figured out? I think not. I don't think that is what life is supposed to be about. It's about seeing and taking the opportunities to learn from our success and our not-so-successful efforts. It's about taking the bricks that are thrown at us and using them for stepping stones to reach higher ground rather than stuffing them in our backpacks and trudging down the same old dusty trail. Those darn bricks are what it's all about! Are they going to be a hindrance or a tool? Are we going to learn or just carry them along with us? It's all about the bricks.

I look at my family and hope that in all of my bumblings I'm doing more good than I am damage. I hope I'm picking up more bricks and stacking them neatly than I am throwing them at those I love. I've always had a little motto or creed that I try to live by and that is to always leave things better than they were when I found them. When I say "things" I mean every place I spend time in, and every soul that I meet. Did I leave them better than they were when I found them? Are the places and the people I come in contact with better because I was there? If I can say yes, I have lived true to who I feel I want to be. I can just imagine the ripple effects if we all truly lived that way. I fall short, but I try. It's all we can do. We try, we sometimes fail, we pick up and do better next time. I just hope I never run out of another "next time."

I'm not sure if I'm done with my rant for today, but I'm pretty sure that I've said enough. I don't know if any of my 7 "followers" will read or understand what I'm writing. But that's the beauty of a Blog, it doesn't matter! I wrote it, it's out there, and somehow maybe it will set something right in my universe if not in yours.

Happy Sunday...If I get more time tonight, you've got to see what I picked up at DI (thrift store) the other day!!!

Fabulous Fall

My posts have been dominated by "The Barn" lately, and yes, I have an update in the works. Tonight I'm just feeling like sharing some of our fall fun times with y'all. Last week for fall break we headed up beautiful Spanish Fork Canyon to my Phil's family cabin. I have to say that after always dreaming of having a place like this to go to I am humbled to tears with gratitude to have this cabin so close to home and available to us. As we often do, we brought along some friends to share in the fun!

Here are some of the highlights of the trip...

COLORING BOOKS!!

Our Scone dough got a little big over night! It sure was yummy though :)

Riley's baby fishy before she put it back...

The trout she didn't put back, even gutted it herself!

Our amazing friends Mandy and Aaron...aren't they cute!

Mandy had sooo much fun catchin' crawdads!

I spy.....

Yummmmmy!

As strange as I am, I was in love with the amazing colors on the crawdads before we cooked them! The blues and the browns were just sooo cool!

Might have to work on some finishes inspired by our crawdad friends...

Micah kissing her 30th fish before she released it.

Yes, she actually caught 30 in one day, and yes, she actually kissed it!

So there you go. My blog is called "read between designs" so while I'm sorry this is not a post about some creative something or other I have my disclaimer right in the title of my blog, so I hope you don't mind reading between designs. I've decide I need a tag line to end my posts with....

Thanks for listening (?)

Y'all come back now, Ya hear? (?)

Living it one adventure at a time (?)

Hmmmmm I don't know if any of those work... guess I'll keep thinking...

It's me again...

I refuse to start this entry by taking note of how long it's been since I last posted. I also refuse to follow that with an apology and list of excuses. I will simply say,

 Hello! It's me again...

I'm not exactly sure what I will be writing about today. I'm feeling a bit frumpy and reflective. Not sure how those two feelings match up, but I guess we will see if they spark literary embers to a flame. Since I last posted much has happened that I really need to blog about. A quick run-down would look something like this:

• Construction began on the front of my house to repair water damage
• I was sealed to my husband for eternity
• I became heavily involved with design and decor for a home in the Utah County Parade of Homes in which I was able to use a wide variety of my ideas and skills in a way I have not had the opportunity to do in that way before.
• Waved to my oldest daughter as she drove away from my home with her car full of belongings
• Created some custom art for a client
• Became the assistant to my daughter Emma with her first commissioned mural
• Rediscovered my passion for refinishing furniture
• Gained some truly amazing friends
• Fulfilled a dream to work for the show "Extreme Makeover-Home Edition"
• Prayed about and prepared for an adventure in Wyoming with 400 youth
• Learned to love 7 new family members on said adventure
• Fell in love with my husband again
• Sent a daughter away for a month
• Worried about, prayed about, cried for, and laughed with the wonderful kids in my life

And that's just the short list :)

With the piles of laundry and list of projects waiting for me I feel like the best I can do today is to somehow sum up a few of my feelings in hopes that it will clear my head a little. In all that I have listed it is amazing to me the one common thread I can see in all that happens in my life. "It's all good." It really hits me how each problem we face, each accomplishment we achieve and each milestone we reach is all a part of a bigger plan. I am constantly impressed how one thing leads to another and each experience brings us more understanding and more insight. As I was given the opportunity to work on the Parade of Homes I felt very much that doors were opening through the friends that I met and the experiences I had. I have been blessed to see the Lord's hand guiding my decisions and bringing me experiences that will no doubt be a blessing in the future. Whether it is a trial or a happy experience, each one really is "all good" because it adds to our lives in one way or another.

Well, once again my blog has turned into a soap box and I am standing with my voice to the wind. Before I get too preachy I think I better go check on the progress of the construction workers in my front yard to put everything back into perspective. You will notice that in my list of things above that construction began...but hasn't finished...sigh.

Pictures of some of the things I mentioned will be coming soon :)
You can check out my newly assembled website to see picts of the Parade home (Thanks to my friend Scott Gutke for the web design and amazing photos!)

That's it for now.

Mice and Me

I remember standing in the pet store once watching the mice run on their wheel. I laughed at how they would run with all their might faster and faster. Sometimes there were two or three of them on the same wheel and if one didn't keep the pace, she was thrown off the wheel. She would then run around the cage a few times as if to build up her stamina and jump right back on the wheel with the marathoners. I found it more than slightly entertaining. One of the highlights was when the group on the wheel grew to 5 or 6 or sometimes more and the speed was great enough that sometimes one or two would just hold on and go for a ride!

I have often thought of these mice. Cute and busy, yet creepy and without purpose. I frequently feel like one of these mice, and depending on the day, I could be referred to as "cute and busy" or the dreaded "creepy and without purpose". I guess the quest is to try to avoid the latter as much as possible. And how do we do that in today's world? I'm still learning. Failing on some days and yet on others taking it all in stride and running flawlessly on my little wire wheel.

It's hard to believe that it's been eighteen and a half years since I first felt the twinge of total and complete dedication to another human being in the way a new mother does while holding her little bundle of responsibility. I remember vividly the long nights, the dirty diapers, the sweet moments of singing a lullaby and having her look me in the eye as if she wanted to sing along. There are times when I wish I could spin my wheel backwards and start over, change this and change that. Would I spare them the pain and disappointments they faced, or is it exactly those things that have helped shape them into the amazing daughters they are now? As the years passed and my responsibility grew with each child my life had one purpose, and I loved it, that was to be the best mom  I could be. That included (but was not limited to) all those long nights and dirty diapers, but also stories and puppets, cardboard box boats and tea parties. I loved throwing an amazing birthday party complete with an equally amazing birthday cake. My children were my life, to the expense sometimes of a true connection with myself.

In the spring of 2009 I found myself running the wheel alone. I was now a single mom of these 5 girls. One of the scariest and most challenging things I have ever faced. After being dedicated to almost nothing but my girls and my marriage for so many years, it was now time to take on the role of provider also. I knew the direction of my career choice would be in decorating and Faux finishing. That was the easy part, choosing what to do. The challenge for me has proven, more than anything, to figure out how to find a balance between being the kind of mom I want to be, which includes being the homemaker I love being, and being the kind of business woman that I desire so much to be. It's a constant struggle working for myself to decide between the two. Lucky for me I love my job almost as much as I love being a homemaker. I have always looked at working moms and wondered how they did it. Now I have even more respect for their busy schedules. Some days are filled with guilt for not spending more one on one time. Some days are filled with frustration at myself for not figuring it out and being able to just take care of it all. And yet some days are truly fulfilling and I am thankful for the opportunity I have to be a mother and also have a career that doubles as my passion. The truth is, I am happiest when my house is at least semi put together, my kids are being self sufficient and I am creating something beautiful with my hands. Problem is, those days seem to not come as often as I would like. I often feel that my list is never ending and I seem to be just running and running and not getting anywhere. Just me and my wheel.

So the answer? I don't know. Maybe one of you have some profound advice that will help me change my paradigm. For now I am ever so thankful for the challenge because I would never trade the responsibility of caring the way I do for my daughters, and now my two step-sons. I am thankful that I love them all enough that it is a struggle for me to put other things ahead of them. The reality of it is that the actual act of finding my own passion and even putting it before them sometimes has made me a better person, which makes me a better mom and example. I have to remind myself that as I am successful, and as I find fulfillment in things other than my children I am teaching that self fulfillment isn't about being selfish. Self fulfillment is about finding yourself and becoming the best you can be. As I do that I will have more to give, more to offer to those that I love. I am convinced that it may always be a struggle for me to find the balance, but I think I'm okay with that. I will not always have 6 teenagers and a ten year old princess to help remind me of what is really important. And as they leave, one by one, I will resist the temptation to run with all my might in the opposite direction on my little wheel..while watching to see if time can rewind, or even pause for a second. For today I will be thankful for the challenges, thankful for the moments of struggle because it is with those struggles and challenges that we put things in their proper place.

And so now I will close my laptop, and after time on my knees asking for strength to run, I will gladly climb back on my little wire mesh wheel. I will somehow find joy today in the constant squeak of my wheel and smile when it gets going to fast and throws me off. Deep breath.......

And so I'll begin where every story begins...in the middle!

Here I sit, just me and my "running for the moment" computer. The cursor seems impatient for me to type something worth reading. With the sounds of my two cats scampering about and tackling each other breaking the pattern of the clicks of the keyboard this is sure to be a few of the most thought provoking moments of my day...

My first blog. I guess I should give you a quick snapshot of who I am. First, my name is April James. The first question I am usually asked is "Were you born in April?" To answer that, NO. My mom just liked the name. I am a 38 year old mother, wife, homemaker and self-employed artisan.
Within the past 3 years I have:
~Struggled with a failing marriage of 15 years
~Divorced and found myself needing to support my 5 wonderful daughters alone
~Started my own buisness doing Faux finishing and interior decorating
~Lost my house to forclosure
~Found my soul-mate and best friend, Phil
~Relocated to a new city out in the "country"
~Lost over 100 lbs 
~ Remarried and added 2 step-sons to my 5 daughters
~Recently moved into a new home with room after room of  refinishing to do- So excited about that!
~Laughed, cried and questioned
~Prayed and received
~Moved on

I have started this blog mostly to have somewhere for my creative juices to spill out. In it will be no doubt posts about my home and family, but it will mostly be a place for me to share my projects. Between work and play it seems like I am constantly heavily involved in something creative, and usually messy. As it stands I have a house full of "projects" that I'm anxious and excited to undertake. Lucky you get to come along! As the title to this post says, I begin in the middle. Every story truly begins there, because so much has happened to bring us to any new beginning. Anyone who went to the recent Christmas concert with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir heard those words. They have stuck with me, and truly say it how it is.

So there it is, my first blog. The sun is now up, kids are at school and the cats are sleeping in a tangled ball of fur and paws. That is my cue to hit the showers and tackle the tasks of the day: finish the 4 tables in my cold garage! Stay tuned for pics and progress....